I Am No Longer Attracted To My Spouse

Are you unhappy in your marriage? Does your partner easily annoy or anger you? Maybe you feel as if your spouse doesn’t want to be with you any longer. Do you bicker and fight over the same issues, day after day, without any sense of reconciliation? Are you leading separate lives, yet living in the same house? Many reasons exist for strained relationships. Committed relationships, like marriages, typically begin in a wave of bliss—romance, dreams, and security. But without taking the time to maintain a relationship, marriages can deteriorate to the point of breaking. How does this happen?

Often, people are not equipped to cope with the negative aspects of relationships. First, certain emotions make people uncomfortable and every individual will deal with these emotions differently, depending on their personalities and upbringing. After the proverbial honeymoon is over, human behavior can lead to conflicts that strain a once harmonious relationship. This collapse can occur for a number of reasons:

  • Communication Breakdown. The number one cause of most couples’ irreconcilable differences is poor communication. There are too many aspects of communication to blame the point of breakdown on one partner or habit; however, the source either comes from not communicating respectfully and fully, or from not listening actively. In either case, the words are spoken but no actions are taken. It might even be possible that the words have become abusive or damaging.
  • Issues with Intimacy. Physical and emotional intimacy is an important aspect of a lasting relationship. While sexual interests and needs may wax and wane, marriages are built upon a level of intimacy not shared with others. It’s not always possible for both partners to be pleased in this arena, but this connection is a shared experience, that if absent, can lead to negative behaviors.

Issues with intimacy may also include being unfaithful, whether in thought or action. Infidelity is devastating. Trust, pride, and jealousy are just a few of the complicated emotions that come with infidelity.

  • It’s the Money, Honey. Finances are stressful enough, but when two people attempt to blend their philosophies and habits (while sharing the pot), finances can get messy. Couples may fight over financial priorities, career choices, or spending habits. Shared debts can become a source of irritation and stress. When fighting over finances doesn’t cease, the marriage may be in trouble.
  • Family Matters. Each person was raised with different values, beliefs, experiences, and perspectives. Raising children or taking care of other family members may become a point of conflict because of these differences. Many couples also choose to endure an unhealthy and unhappy marriage because of their children, possibly causing more harm to the wellbeing of everyone involved.
  • Addictions and Abuses. Substance abuse, which includes alcohol, can become a dangerous and costly issue in a relationship. Whether both partners are engaged in the activity or only one is, the effects of substance abuse and addiction can cause great damage to any relationship.
  • Mental and Emotional Wellness. Marriages and other relationships can breakdown when one partner requires individual therapy for reasons beyond their control. Mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, anger management, and other mood, emotion, or behavior disorders can turn a partner into someone unrecognizable if left unchecked. Spouses suffering from a trauma or other stressors may also need guidance from a professional. Mental and emotional health is the corner stone to a healthy bond, because both partners need to be sources of strength for each other. Life’s transitions and challenges can lead to a host of difficulties.

Sometimes there are no clear reasons for the decay of a marriage. And regardless of how hard you may work on your relationship, the fact remains: half of all marriages end in divorce. So what do you do with this knowledge? Do you continue to expend all your energy, trying to repair the same issues using the same techniques? Or do you accept that your relationship is beyond salvaging, as you prepare to end it? Either option seems daunting and unwelcoming, but with the help of a licensed professional, the necessary path may become clearer and less overwhelming.

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