How To Make A Deep Connection With Someone
Published on January 12th, 2022
Updated on March 12th, 2022
When it comes to making connections with others we must start by making a connection with ourselves. When we are able to get in touch with who we truly are, aside from all of the layers that the world has put around us, we can then get in touch with our genuine self. When able to connect with self, it allows one to open up to that with others.
We can spend our lives disconnected from ourselves and wondering why our relationships are floundering. It is because we do not know who we are, or what we would like in our connections. This is a difficult and sometimes painful awareness to gain, yet it is the entrance to being able to discover what true connection looks like.
In this process, The beginning is when one is able to examine themselves internally, and search for who they understand themselves to be. Questions like, what do I know about myself to be true? Which of my traits are undeniably authentic? What makes me feel most alive and centered? The body is trustworthy, as it displays on the inside different sensations to alert us to what is true and what is false.
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When noticing these feelings, I can identify what my intuition tells me about what provides me a safe space and what makes room for fear. I can then choose what to listen to, I can listen for self-doubt, incongruency, and mistrust. I can also listen to faith existing within, confidence and security. I get to choose what holds the most weight and what my reality will be.
Through this self-exploration, I am able to notice what stands out as what I can connect with within myself. When I see what stands out, I can highlight those areas as my truth. I can shed the pieces that were not mine with which to begin. It is mostly about working out the kinks and unlearning unhealthy self beliefs.
Early in life, we have a general sense of what we like and dislike and what makes us feel good or bad. We are able to start experiencing what connection looks like to others, through the basic needs of trust, security, and safety. Typically this connection starts with our caregivers or parents. When early in life disconnection can be severed or damaged, in the case of unhealthy relations.
In turn, it can feel familiar to make connections that aren’t necessarily the healthiest or best. It is typically founded upon our relationship with the caregiver that wasn’t ideal. In these situations, it takes time to unlearn what isn’t serving us and to learn what will be helpful and healthy for us.
This work can be done with a therapist or someone who can be objective and identify the ways in which you can learn what’s good for you and what is not. In this process, as you grow, you’ll find that the connections you are forming are closely related to the level of health that you have obtained.
I once heard, you do not go to the baker if your toilet is broken. On the same token, it may be more detrimental to seek support and connection through a negative source. The direction in which we look for making connections is crucial. It is suggested to identify at least five different sources through which you can gain what you are seeking. That can be through a book, through podcasts, or through mentors.
This article is entitled making connections, and the initial idea is to grow in relationships with others. We must start with the source from which we are developing those. Relationships are mostly others holding mirrors up to me, to mimic the level of health I have achieved. When I examine defects of character and areas of growth within myself, I can continue establishing a stronger base from which healing happens. I am going to feel confused, worried, or fearful of rejections from others that ultimately impede my ability to make connections.
As stated in Alanon, “it begins with me”. It is easy to seek external factors in an impossible attempt to change my internal grid. It breeds disappointment and emptiness. Connections are incredibly important to have. Keep in mind that other people are just as human as we are. We can let others down, just as they can let us down. The aforementioned foundation from which to build internal resources is a necessity to have. It serves as a buffer to let downs, disconnections and hurt.
When I form self-awareness, it leads me to a healthy sense of self and a deep knowing of my worth. From this standpoint, I can arrive in front of others, knowing that I am deserving of meaningful connections. I can arrive in front of myself with kindness and grace. I can arrive at the place where my healthy connections with myself and with others is of the utmost fulfillment and gratitude.